Celebrate Your Freedom

Why Working From Home is an Attractive Proposition in Today's Era

Free Spirit — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:25:00 GMT

The 21st century is witnessing a boom in work at home jobs and business opportunities across the globe. Particularly, with the economic scenario becoming challenging, many businesses are faced with the prospect of cutting down costs and improving operational efficiencies. It is the era of a leaner and meaner organization that is able to outsource work and get the job done at a lower cost from home based workers who do not have the burden of costly overheads.

At the same time, the spectacular advancements in the field of information and communication, predominantly the growth and popularity of the Internet has completely changed the way we live and the way we do business. Working from home has become a solid, viable alternative in the new Internet-centric world that we live in.

Not only from the viewpoint of the business organization, but also from the home-based entrepreneur’s perspective, there are several advantages to working from home, which makes it a win-win situation for both. Let us list some of the key advantages from a home based worker’s perspective:

1. You are your own boss: The best part about working from home is that even if you are working for a company as an employee, or you may be running your own home business, in both cases, you run your own show within the home. You are responsible for your own actions, and there is no one looking over your shoulder all the time. There is a great sense of freedom attached when you work independently out of your home.

2. Flexibility of working hours: You get to decide your own work schedule for the most part. You can juggle between different tasks, set your own pace, and decide how best to maximize your work efficiency.

3. Balance between work and family life: Especially for moms, there is an excellent advantage to work from home. They do not need to leave the kids at a day care center, and can manage to bring a reasonable balance between their work and family responsibilities when working from home.

4. Save on commuting time: There can be a substantial saving of your time and energy that would have been spent in commuting daily to your office.

5. Cost efficiencies: As a home based entrepreneur, you have a better opportunity to control your costs and deliver a better value to your customers compared to a competitor who may have to struggle with office overhead expenses. Especially with the stiff real estate costs and expensive maintenance of a commercial office, it makes great business sense if you can deliver the same efficiency by working from home.

Therefore, a compelling case can be made in favor of work at home jobs and businesses. Especially for moms who are looking to contribute to their household income and people who are facing loss of employment or poor job prospects at offices, and even budding entrepreneurs who wish to start a new business without exposing themselves to high financial risks and investments.

Bizymoms has been dedicated to helping women work from home for over 10 years! Visit today to enjoy our interactive message boards, informative articles, help and advice from the Bizymoms’ Home Business Support Team and achieve your own work at home dreams with our home business start up kits.

Abuse Recovery Exercise

Free Spirit — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 22:38:00 GMT

I was looking through old papers today and found a journal entry from January of this year. It was a list I had made to help me feel better about myself and where I was at in life. I looked at it and realized it's a good exercise for anyone who has left an abuser.

How my life has improved since I left my ex:

Freedom from abuse
Depression lifted
Able to do things my way
Not having to listen to constant b****ing
Not having to deal with a total slob
Bills are being paid
No worries about eviction or utilites getting cut off
Better relationship with my son
Internet addiction is gone
Better sex life
Wonderful relationship with new husband
Freedom to be a Christian
No more put-downs
No more arguing

Reading over that list really helps remind me how much better I have it now. If you are feeling down in the dumps, make a similar list; it helps!

What I Learned in DBT Last Week

Free Spirit — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Last week I had my first group therapy session for DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I learned some things that I thought were worth sharing with my readers.

There was a lady in the class who was relating a recent experience with her husband, in which she confronted him about an insult he had made earlier. She never used the word "abusive" to describe him, but after listening to her for a few minutes, it became apparent that her husband was indeed abusive, at least verbally.

So I asked the therapist if DBT works when dealing with abusers, because it always seemed like it didn't matter what I did when dealing with an abuser, I just couldn't get any respect.

He replied that you can't change someone else's behavior and handed out a printout of behavior types. There are four different types: direct agression, indirect agression, passivity, and assertiveness. He said that abusers tend to fall into one of the first two categories, whereas we, when dealing with an abuser, become passive, and the goal is to become assertive.

He then said there are three choices one can make for one's relationships:

1) Keep going on the way it has been
2) Two people can agree to work on the relationship, and this takes committment from BOTH.
3) Get out.

The therapist said that in an abusive relationship, you really only have 2 choices (because the abuser will not work on the relationship): Keep going on the way it has been and stay miserable or get out. Then he said really there is only one choice: to get out. Then he told the lady who had been sharing about her husband to get out.

So there you have it. There's nothing you can do to make an abusive relationship better. It really doesn't matter what you do because the abuser's behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how he perceives the world and chooses to behave. All the therapy in the world will not work if both parties are not working on the relationship. So, the only choice you have is to get out.

Rihanna To Testify Against Chris Brown

Free Spirit — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:46:00 GMT

According to People magazine, Rihanna has been subpoenaed to testify against Chris Brown at his June 22nd assault hearing.

For the full story click here.

President Obama Approves Funding for Domestic Abuse Programs

Free Spirit — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:45:00 GMT

While many presidents of the past have cut funding to domestic abuse programs, President Obama has not. The funding for domestic violence programs such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline will remain the same in 2010 as it is for 2009.

More information...

Read about what Obama did in the past to help fight domestic violence and sexual abuse.

The Fresh Air Fund Needs Host Families

Free Spirit — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:55:00 GMT

The Fresh Air Fund is an organization which matches inner city children to families living outside of the city for one to two weeks each summer. The children come from low income areas in New York City. It's a great experience for the children to get a break from inner city life and get a breath of "fresh air".

I know a lady who hosted a child from the Fresh Air Fund and I think it was a positive experience for the kid and my friend's family. From what I remember, the child was very well-behaved.

If you can't be a host this summer, consider making a donation. For the month of June, all donations made will be matched dollar for dollar by other generous donors.

For more information on the Fresh Air Fund, visit this page.

Increase in Numbers at Domestic Violence Shelters Due to Bad Economy

Free Spirit — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:46:00 GMT

Mary Kay recently conducted the survey "Mary Kay's Truth About Abuse", and found that the number of women requesting assistance from domestic violence shelters has risen since September when the economy went on a downturn.

Mary Kay interviewed 600 shelters nationwide and found that 3 out of 4 reported this increase. Shelter representatives attribute the increase in abuse to financial issues, stress, and job loss.

The region which had the largest increase was the South, at 78 percent. The Midwest reported a 74 percent increase, the Northeast a 72 percent increase, and the West with the lowest increase at 71 percent.

Overall, the increase across the nation is high. This study suggests that there is a link between domestic violence and the economy.

To learn more about the survey, read the article at Mary Kay's website.

My thoughts:

I'm not going to blame abuse on the economy. I still think there are deeper reasons that men abuse women, having to do with childhood issues and anger problems. Financial problems definitely cause more stress, however, and may cause men to lash out more. I also think in today's economy, women have less options when it comes to leaving, so they're more likely to end up at a shelter. I do wonder how much abuse has actually increased. Maybe more women are getting help now.

The good part is that Mary Kay started the "Beauty that Counts" initiative, a program to fight cancer and domestic abuse. The company will donate one dollar of each sale of certain lipsticks to the program until December 15, 2009. The Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation has donated close to $18 million to shelters and domestic violence prevention programs in the U.S. since it started in 1996.

I'm glad to see that Mary Kay has stepped in to help with the problem of domestic violence. This is just one more group we have on our side!

Thank you Mary Kay!

Started Therapy

Free Spirit — Mon, 11 May 2009 03:03:00 GMT

I started therapy two weeks ago. I'll be doing dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). I skimmed the folder the therapist gave me and it looks neat.

We'll also be dealing with abuse issues, particularly childhood abuse. I'm not particularly excited about digging that stuff up, but if it will help me grow, it's worth it.

I'll keep you all updated on how things progress.

Where to go to Meet a Nice Man

Free Spirit — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:11:00 GMT

First of all, stay away from bars, unless you want another drunk loser. Bars are places people go to meet others with which to have one-night stands. If that isn't what you're looking for, stay away.

I'm still not sure about online dating. My personal experience has not been positive. I never met any psychos, though, thank God! But there is a safety issue at hand. I'm not really sure how many actual "good" guys there are online. Sure, they look good in their profiles but people always put their best foot forward in something like that, myself included.

The positive side to online dating is you can pick and choose who you wish to go out with. It can be very empowering.

A friend of mine met her husband online. So it does work out for some people.

Church is a good place to meet nice single men. You can also join groups for people with various interests. Meetup.com Is a great place to find local groups.

Sometimes you just might run into him when you are out somewhere. Or you may meet him through a friend. I met my husband in his store. He owns a second-hand store, and I was moving into my apartment. I needed furniture, so I was browsing the second-hand shops in my town that day and we just started talking. Now we're married.

Just be patient. The right man will come along. Until then, enjoy your single life and don't settle for less just to have somebody.

Tips for Dating Successfully

Free Spirit — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:02:00 GMT

In order to date successfully (in other words, "land the right man"), there's some things you have to do:

1) Set boundaries. Determine what you will and will not tolerate. Make these boundaries clear. For instance, "My ex did such-and-such, and I just won't put up with it anymore."

2) Keep your boundaries. If he crosses one, don't just let it slide. Call him on it. If he apologizes and promises to not do it again, you might want to give him another chance. If he argues with you and insists that what he did was fine and that you were overreacting/being overly sensitive, etc., he is showing signs of an abuser and it's time to bail.

3) Expect respect. He should open doors for you, pay for the meals and treat you in a respectful manner. He should care about your feelings and respect your opinions even when he disagrees with you. If he can't respect you, he's out the door.

4) Be willing to walk away. Don't feel so desperate for love that you cling to someone who is unhealthy for you. There are other men out there who will appreciate and love you. Be willing to walk away from an abusive or unhealthy relationship.

5) Don't rehash old dramas you had with your ex. For instance, don't start fights with the new boyfriend to get back at your ex. You're just setting yourself up for another abusive relationship. If you find yourself doing this, get some counseling and don't date for a while.

6) Don't have sex before marriage. I may sound old-fashioned, but I know from personal experience that when you have sex with a man outside of marriage, he loses respect for you. Most often, he gets this idea that he "owns" you and starts to get controlling. He doesn't have the right to your body until he is married to you.

7) Be nice to the nice guy. Don't treat a guy badly because some guy treated you badly, especially if he's being nice to you. Be appreciate of someone who is nice to you. Be nice to him. Do favors for him. Let him know that you appreciate him and that you care. That way, you're not continuing the cycle of abuse.

Time to Go to Therapy

Free Spirit — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 23:36:00 GMT

Today I met with a new psychiatrist. He wanted the whole story of my life, basically. I gave him a shortened version, just highlighting major events and what medications I took and when I took them.

He was especially interested in the abuse I received at the hands of my ex husband. He wanted details, and so I shared, more than what I shared in "My Story" on my bipolar site. I actually cried when I was talking about it, and that surprised me, because I thought I had become a pretty strong person who didn't cry much anymore.

He added a medication to my regimen, and told me to get therapy. I told him that therapy didn't work for me in the past; that I would just whine about my problems and go around in circles. He said "You didn't have a good therapist."

So it looks like I will be back in therapy soon. Hopefully it will work this time.

I realized I've been spending a long time building this site to help other abuse victims but I haven't helped myself.

My Story

Free Spirit — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:42:00 GMT

I've never shared my story on this blog because I didn't want the blog to be about me. But now I think it's time to. I think that my readers would like to know more about me.

I have bipolar disorder which I write about in another blog: Bipolar Chic: Living With Bipolar Disorder. There is a possibility that I may have PTSD instead of bipolar disorder, when you consider my history. I have begun to write my story on my bipolar site. Rather than repeat myself on two different sites, I'll just send you there:

My Story Part II'm not finished writing yet. My story ends in 2006. I'll update on this blog as well as I post new parts to the story.

A lot of things are left out. I would have to write a book in order to cover everything. These mini-memoirs just highlight the major events. I talk about the abuse a little bit. I don't go into any great detail, but I think I give enough information that the reader gets the point.

Hopefully this will help you all to get to know me better!

Blaming the Victim

Free Spirit — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:36:00 GMT

Quick Update on Rihanna:

Recently, the star has been seen out alone, leading people to believe that she and Chris Brown are no longer together. Either that or she is just trying to keep her relationship with Chris on the “down low”.

What I find interesting, however, is that she recently received a tattoo of a gun. The timing of the tattoo is more than a coincidence, I suspect. I think the tattoo symbolizes protection or is her attempt at trying to appear “tough”.

Hopefully, she has had enough of Mr. Brown’s abuse and has decided to fight back.

There is one passage in Star’s March 16^th issue that’s really been bugging me. On page 51, in an article titled “Rihanna & Chris: Secret Wedding in Miami”, Star Magazine made the following statement:

“As Star has reported, Rihanna has been reluctant from the beginning to give evidence against Chris - who has been taking anger-management classes. It’s not just because she’s hopelessly in love with him; it’s also because she may have provoked the attack.”

Excuse me? “Provoked the attack?” Oh, Chris is going to get off because he’s taking anger management classes and Rihanna PROVOKED THE ATTACK. I’d like to see how that would hold up in court, Rihanna saying, “I’m sorry, your honor, but I provoked the attack. It’s all my fault he beat me up.” No judge is going to fall for that.

I don’t care what someone does to anger another person, physical violence is never justified. You don’t see murderers being acquitted because their victims provoked them. It shouldn’t be any different with domestic violence. I don’t care how Rihanna was behaving towards Chris, that didn’t give him the right to pummel her. He needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. His violent behavior was completely inexcusable.

I’m tired of people blaming the victim. In a domestic situation, yes, sometimes the woman may do things that provoke the man to anger. But the man needs to be a man enough to control his anger and handle the situation in a calm, mature manner. This does not mean yelling, insulting, or hitting her. If he’s really angry, he needs to go somewhere else and not come back until he has calmed down. If his anger is a problem, he needs counseling or anger management.

It’s never okay for a man to hit a woman, and saying that she “provoked the attack” is not a valid excuse.

Rihanna and Chris Brown Back Together

Free Spirit — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:14:00 GMT

According to numerous reports, Rihanna and Chris Brown got back together sometime around the end of February. There was something about a reunion at P-Diddy's house in Florida, and rumors of Chris proposing to Rihanna and an unofficial wedding ceremony. Well, you can't believe everything you read in the tabloids, but it's pretty clear the two are back together. That, we can be pretty sure of.

I am disappointed that she took him back. He beat her up pretty bad. Even if he had just hit her once, that is bad enough.

But, as we all know, it is the pattern of battered women to return to their abusers. Rihanna is no different from the rest of us. But that doesn't make it okay. What it does, is it tells other battered women that it's okay to stay and it's okay to go back because you "love" him. It's sending the wrong message. Instead of empowering women, Rihanna's message strips them of their dignity and independence.

I'm sure Rihanna isn't even thinking about the message she is sending women right now. Celebrities are pretty self-absorbed, right? Do they really go around thinking, "What message am I sending the youth by my actions?" Paris Hilton sure doesn't.

Still, if Rihanna dumped Chris, testified against him in court, and had his a** put in jail, what a message that would send! I bet you'd have women across the country leaving their abusers and putting them behind bars! People watch celebrities and they mimick their behaviors. If Rihanna does it, other young girls will do it too. Unfortunately, Rihanna made the wrong decision in this case and is influencing women in a negative way.

It Can Happen to Anyone

Free Spirit — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:07:00 GMT

I’m sure by now everyone has heard about the domestic violence incident that occurred between Rihanna and Chris Brown in the early morning hours of February 8th. According to In Touch magazine, the couple left Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party around midnight on February 7^th. About ½ hour later, the singer reportedly called 911 and was taken to the emergency room at the local hospital. A source claimed she had “facial injuries, bruising, and swelling… small cuts inside her mouth,” as well as “contusions on her back area and her left rib area.” On the evening of February 8^th, Brown turned himself into the police and was released on $50,000 bail.

According to a perezhilton.com entry dated February 26^th, no charges had been filed against Chris Brown, yet he has a court hearing scheduled for March 5^th. The In Touch article states that he was charged with “making criminal threats”. So why was he not charged with assault and battery when it is so obvious that he beat up Rihanna? The only reason I can think of is that she has chosen to not press charges. Rumors are floating around that the two have reunited. I really hope this isn’t true.

Yet, this scenario is so common. Remember the cycle of abuse: after the abusive act, there is guilt, and even lovingness and kindness displayed by the abuser to win back the victim. Often, the victim falls for the act, thinking it’s real, and takes him back. There is then a “honeymoon phase” where the two are in love and everything is wonderful, until he sets her up for another attack, so he can abuse her again.

When I see this happen to someone like Rihanna, my heart goes out to her. But it also tells me that I’m not alone. That if this can happen to someone as beautiful and famous as Rihanna, it can happen to anyone. It happened to Pamela Anderson and other celebrities as well. We are all vulnerable. There isn’t anything about us that makes us victims other than we have a heart and we sometimes make the wrong choices. That’s okay. That’s human.

My Personal Testimony

Free Spirit — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 01:23:00 GMT

I was raised a Christian but wasn’t very interested in the religion, so I didn’t follow it. My father was also abusive which turned me off to Christianity.

As a teen and young adult, I pretty much did whatever I felt like doing. I engaged in destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse. I became involved with the “wrong crowd”. Many bad things happened to me. I had relationships with evil people who hurt me. I suffered from depression and anxiety. At one point, my anxiety was so bad that I was afraid to leave my house.

In 1998, I married a man who was abusive and had a child with him. This was a volatile relationship. I cannot count how many times I left him and went back. In 2006, I left him for the final time. I had recommitted my life to Christ and felt like God was telling me to leave him. (We were already divorced at this time and living together). So my son and I moved back to my parents’ house and my life improved from that point on.

Now God is directing my choices, unlike before when I wasn’t following Him. He led me to the right job, the right doctor, the right church, and the right husband. The best part about my life now is that I have a wonderful husband who treats me well, and I’ll never have to experience abuse again.

The point is that God blesses us when we are obedient: “Praise the Lord! How joyful are those who fear the Lord and delight in obeying His commands. Their children will be successful everywhere; an entire generation of godly people will be blessed. They themselves will be wealthy, and their good deeds will last forever.” - Psalm 112: 1-3

So you see that there is hope for you. If you turn your life over to Christ, He will guide your steps and send blessings your way. Read this post to learn how to start living for Christ today!

God Can Help You Heal

Free Spirit — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

In all the articles I’ve written about abuse recovery, I’ve failed to mention the one most important factor in recovering from abuse: having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” - John 3:16. See, God loved so much that he sent his son so die for your sins so that you will be saved. (“Saved” essentially means that you will have eternal life with God in heaven instead of perishing in fire. In the end, the sinners will perish and the saved will live.) You’re very important to God. Even if abusers in your past led you to believe that you’re worthless, this is not the case. “What is the price of two sparrows - one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” - Matthew 10:29-31. Indeed, you are very important to your Creator.

To begin a relationship with God, say the salvation prayer. The salvation prayer consists of the following points:

Acknowledging the divinity of Christ, who lived on Earth as a human so he could die for our sins and give us eternal life.
Confessing our past sin. Sin is disobedience to God’s law.
Trusting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.
Asking Jesus to enter our hearts and live there.

Here is a good example of a salvation prayer.

Once you’ve said the prayer, the next step is to find a church family. Networking with other Christians is essential to your spiritual growth. “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” - Hebrews 10:25

I’m not going to tell you which church to attend. I go to a Seventh-Day Adventist Church. Search this directory to find an Adventist church near you. This page explains Adventist beliefs. You can also search the yellow pages for a local church. There are probably dozens listed in your telephone book and you could choose the one that you think God is calling you to. You could even visit a few churches and then settle in at the one that “feels right”. Or you may have a Christian friend. You could ask to attend church with her; I am sure she would be delighted to bring you along.

Next, you should commit to spending time with God every day, reading the Bible and praying. This will really help you grow in your relationship with him. You will learn things, and you will see your prayers being answered. Over time, you will notice that you are making better choices. You will stop choosing abusers as mates, because you will be looking for godly people to have in your life instead. God will give you discernment that you didn’t have before. “O Lord, listen to my cry; give me the discerning mind you promised.“ - Psalm 119:169. You will be able to judge whether someone is safe or unsafe. There is a lot written in the Bible about evil people, mostly in Psalms and Proverbs. If you read these passages, you will instantly see that the people being described are abusers. The Bible doesn’t actually use the words “abuse” or “abusers” but it describes the characteristics quite well.

The Bible also offers encouragement for those who are suffering. “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.” - Matthew 5:3-11. This is just one of many of God’s promises found in the Bible. As Jesus said in this passage, God will bless you if you follow him. You will find yourself in better circumstances than you were before. God will lead you to the right job and get you out of debt. He will lead you to the right mate. Suddenly, everything in your life will feel right and you will realize that you are happy for the first time. This is the joy that God promises us. “I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” - John 15:11

A good place to begin in your daily devotions is the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. These books tell the story of Jesus’ life and teachings. Reading these scriptures will help you learn what following Jesus is all about. If you are feeling down and need encouragement, read Psalms. For wisdom, read Proverbs. Genesis is the first book of the Bible and it tells how it all began. These books cover most of the basics; reading a chapter or two a day won’t overwhelm you. You don’t have to read it all at once or know everything right away; God will reveal things to you over time. You can also use a devotional book to help guide you in your studies. RBC ministries offers a free daily devotional by mail, or you can purchase a devotional book on Amazon.com or your local Christian bookstore.

You may also want to join a Bible study at your church. Studying the Bible as part of a group can help you gain further insight and understanding. Right now my Bible study is using the guides offered by FAST missions.

This should be enough to get you started. In the future, I’ll post my own personal testimony, as well as encouraging scriptures and ideas for strengthening your walk with the Lord.

If you need any help, feel free to email me at freespirit@celebrateyourfreedom.com. I’d also love to hear personal testimonies. If you’d like, I can post your testimony on my blog to share with others.

It's About Time I Took My Advice

Free Spirit — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:39:00 GMT

I realized I've been urging my readers to minimize or cease contact with their abusers, but I wasn't doing this myself. Contact with my ex-husband has been very limited since I left, but I was still giving him too much opportunity to continue to verbally abuse me. I was trying to get along because I didn't feel like fighting anymore. And while I treated him with courtesy and respect, he failed to reciprocate.

After a conversation this week where my ex insulted me, I'd had enough. I've been tolerating his verbal abuse for over ten years now. And even though I stood up to him on the phone, I feel like I was still taking it since I continued the conversation. I should have ended the conversation immediately, saying, "If you are not going to treat me with respect, I am not going to talk to you."

Later it occurred to me that I really don't have to take it, even if we do have a child together. I don't have to speak to him ever again. The only reason to speak to him would be to arrange visitation, but that will be done via a third party. I do suspect that he will cease visitations with our son once he realizes he can't have any further contact with me. I have a hunch that the only reason he sees his son is to interact with me. Perhaps I have found a way to rid myself of him forever.

Work from Home - Pros and Cons

Free Spirit — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

In a previous article, I briefly discussed working from home as an option for many moms these days. Here, we will take a closer look at this option.

Working from home is very appealing to many people. When you work from home, you don’t have a strict schedule to adhere to, you don’t have to pay for daycare, gas, and lunches, and you don’t have to deal with petty office gossip. It’s especially appealing to parents who want to stay at home with their children. It appeals to people who want to save time and money. Some people have an hour-plus commute to work everyday. Working from home eliminates that, and it eliminates the expenses associated with an outside job. Working from home is the introvert’s dream - no face-to-face contact with anyone, ever!

But even for an introvert, working from home can become a drag. After a while, people get “cabin fever” and they just have to get out. For a few years, I worked a part-time job outside the home in addition to my at-home job. That was a happy medium for me.

One must be extremely disciplined to work from home. In this setting, you don’t have to be at work at any certain time, so you can work whenever you want. Sometimes it can be extremely hard to motivate yourself to work, especially if the work you do is boring (like data entry). I never made a lot of money working from home because, I admit, I was too lazy to work a lot of hours. I made a lot of money per hour but my paychecks were never more than a few hundred dollars because I couldn’t bring myself to work a 40-hour workweek.

There’s a lot of distractions at home that you don’t have at work. At work, all you have is work pertaining to the job. At home, there is housework. There’s dishes, laundry, kids, and dirty bathrooms. These are all things that have to be done. How do you decide which type of work to do? What you have to do is, get into a routine where you set aside a certain number of hours per day to work your job, and a certain number of hours to dedicate to housework.

Your work can also take you away from your kids. Even though you’re at home with them, you’re not spending time with them because you’re working. You’ll have to be disciplined in this area too, setting aside a certain amount of time each day to spend with them. If you want to make a lot of money, you’ll be working so much that you’ll basically ignore your children. If you have young children that need to be watched, you may end up needing to hire a sitter anyway.

Telecommuting usually offers nothing as far as benefits, unless you happen to land a really good job. Say your employer offers you the option of working from home and keeping your benefits. That would be the best way to go. Usually, you’ll end up self-employed or as an independent contractor, which means no health insurance and no 401K plan. You would have to pay for these things yourself if you wanted them.

Working from home has its benefits and drawbacks. Do plenty of research before you make the jump. I worked at home for three years and now I have a full-time job outside the home. I must say I prefer the outside job to working at home. At first, I thought that telecommuting was a fabulous option, but after I did it for a while, I started to see the downside.

In my next article, I’ll discuss various work-from-home careers for those who might be interested.

Be Good to Yourself

Free Spirit — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 02:58:00 GMT

Everyone is human, and everyone makes mistakes. Your abuser magnified your mistakes and imperfections while minimizing his own. You’ve been trained by him to be extremely critical of yourself, because he is critical of you. You may even believe that everyone is as critical of you as he is; that people are watching you and waiting for you to screw up.

This isn’t the case. Some people are critical of others, yes, but not everyone. There are people who will accept you the way you are, faults and all.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We choose which traits we wish to see. There was a time when I realized I was very critical of others and so I made the choice to see the strengths in others, not the weaknesses.

I can be a bit critical of myself as well, but I’m becoming more accepting. I know now that it is okay to make mistakes and that I don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. If you strive for perfection, you will only disappoint yourself.

Remember that your abuser brainwashed you to focus on your weaknesses. As long as you were focusing inward, you weren’t aware of what he was doing to you. And as long as you thought badly of yourself, you would mistakenly think that you needed him.

It’s time to break that cycle. If you do something stupid or weird, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Most people are too busy to remember every little thing you’ve ever said or done. So you shouldn’t remember it either. Blow off the little things and focus on what’s important - being good to yourself.

Chances are you weren’t able to do much for yourself while you were in the abusive relationship. So now is your chance to get your nails done, go shopping, or fishing, or whatever you like to do. Indulge yourself. You deserve it.