I ran across this article about a month ago on a blog called “Single Dad Laughing”. It’s called “The Disease Called ‘Perfection’”.

Perfection infects society on all levels. Just about every group has their own ideas about what is acceptable and what isn’t. Unfortunately, this is prevalent in a lot of Christian communities as well.

I grew up in a non-denominational charismatic church. I went to a Christian school that was affiliated with that church as well. This particular community was afflicted with “Perfection”. Here are some examples:

There was a girl a few grades ahead of me who became pregnant while still in high school and had an abortion. No one knew about it until a few years later when her boyfriend finally told his parents. The reason I know about this is because his parents were upset after hearing the news and shared about it at a prayer meeting. The people at the prayer meeting then spread the news all over the church. Now everyone looks down on this girl for having an abortion. But the reason she had it was because she was afraid of what people would think of her for getting pregnant.

Another girl became pregnant after graduation but told no one, and hid the pregnancy well because no one knew she was pregnant until she was seven months along and went into premature labor. I felt bad for her that she had no one to talk to and had to go through the pregnancy alone, because a pregnancy is a hard thing for a woman to go through. Also, because she was hiding her pregnancy, she didn’t go to a doctor and receive prenatal care. Perhaps if she had, her baby would have not been born prematurely.

Many other girls who I went to school with got pregnant out of wedlock. I was actually one of the few who didn’t. But, I did do other things when I was younger that I shouldn’t have. In that church, there is a certain stigma attached to people who aren’t perfect. People openly share private information about others at prayer meetings. It’s gossip in the form of “prayer requests”.  And then people go tell their friends and family everything that was shared at the prayer meeting. That’s how the gossip spreads. And everyone thinks it’s okay because they’re praying for the people they’re talking about.

Some teenage girls who became pregnant out of wedlock felt compelled to stand in front of the entire church and confess their sin. They were extremely emotional, crying and apologizing to the congregation. I was always uncomfortable with this because I wondered why they were doing it. Did they really choose to stand in front of several hundred people and humiliate themselves, or did someone make them do it?

Others hide their sins from the church, because they’ve witnessed the gossip and the way members treat those who have committed, in their opinion, “major sins”. They don’t want to experience rejection. So it’s easier to lie about it and be left alone.

So they go to prayer meetings, and pray for other people, and share the problems of OTHERS, and confess the sins of OTHERS, but not THEIR OWN! And they do this because they’re in pain. But instead of facing their demons, they cover up their pain by judging others.

And I do this too.

Because it’s easier to talk about someone else’s problems than my own. And it makes me feel better about myself if I criticize someone else. “I’m better than them because I don’t do what they do.” I was married when I had my baby, so that makes me better than my classmates who had babies out of wedlock. I didn’t have an abortion like that girl in high school, so I’m better than her.

But I’ve done bad stuff too. And I’ve experienced the same kind of stigma and humiliation that these young mothers experienced. So I should be the last one to judge them. And yet, I do. But it has to stop.

Single Dad Laughing says that the cure to perfection is to be real. He says, “Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you.”

That’s a great idea, but before we do that we have to make sure we are in a safe environment. If we find ourselves in an emotionally unsafe environment like the above-mentioned church, openly sharing our problems can set us up for the kind of bullying experienced by those unwed mothers.

I would say find a safe environment where you can be real. Because really, what is the point of hanging around people you don’t trust and acting like something you’re not? To get approval? True friends will accept you no matter what you’re suffering through or what you’ve done in the past. So find people who accept you, people who you can be real with.

And each of us should work on CREATING a safe environment so others can be real with us. I really like Ghandi’s quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I believe if we want to change the world, we must start with ourselves.

Instead of passing judgment on others when they make mistakes, we need to show forgiveness and compassion. And we also need to look at the sins in our own lives and repent of those as well, instead of throwing stones at others.

John 8:1-7: “Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. ‘Teacher,’ they said to Jesus, ‘this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?’

“They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

Building trust is key to creating a safe environment.  If someone shares something personal with you, keep it confidential. Watch how much information you give out when requesting prayer for someone. In small group settings, it needs to be a policy that whatever is said does not leave the group. If people think that they’re going to be judged, they won’t share their struggles. But if they feel safe, then they can be real.