Everyone is human, and everyone makes mistakes. Your abuser magnified your mistakes and imperfections while minimizing his own. You’ve been trained by him to be extremely critical of yourself, because he is critical of you. You may even believe that everyone is as critical of you as he is; that people are watching you and waiting for you to screw up.

This isn’t the case. Some people are critical of others, yes, but not everyone. There are people who will accept you the way you are, faults and all.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We choose which traits we wish to see. There was a time when I realized I was very critical of others and so I made the choice to see the strengths in others, not the weaknesses.

I can be a bit critical of myself as well, but I’m becoming more accepting. I know now that it is okay to make mistakes and that I don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. If you strive for perfection, you will only disappoint yourself.

Remember that your abuser brainwashed you to focus on your weaknesses. As long as you were focusing inward, you weren’t aware of what he was doing to you. And as long as you thought badly of yourself, you would mistakenly think that you needed him.

It’s time to break that cycle. If you do something stupid or weird, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Most people are too busy to remember every little thing you’ve ever said or done. So you shouldn’t remember it either. Blow off the little things and focus on what’s important - being good to yourself.

Chances are you weren’t able to do much for yourself while you were in the abusive relationship. So now is your chance to get your nails done, go shopping, or fishing, or whatever you like to do. Indulge yourself. You deserve it.