After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s easy to obsess over everything the abuser did to you. It’s normal and even healthy to feel anger about the way he treated you. For the first month or two after you leave, you’ll probably be thinking about the abuse a lot. If you’re still thinking about it - say six months or a year from now, it’s time to switch gears.

By obsessing about the abuse, you’ll only make yourself miserable. Be glad that you’re free from abuse now, and focus on the good things in your life.

I haven’t talked much about the abuse I experienced because I wanted this blog to be about recovery. And I believe that when our focus is recovery, we don’t dwell on our past experiences.

Some say that it’s essential to recovery to discuss past abuse experiences in therapy. Doing this always made me feel worse. For me, it feels better to not talk about the details of the abuse.

There was a time I complained about it constantly, and I think this annoyed other people and it made me feel depressed. There’s just no point in going on and on about it.

There are times when some disclosure is necessary, like when you are in a new relationship. The new guy in your life needs to know a little about your background in order to understand you better. Even then, I don’t think you have to go into the greasy details of the abuse unless you want to.

Maybe you just can’t shut your mind off. You can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how hard you try. If this is the case, you might have posttraumatic stress disorder. Read my PTSD post for more information.

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Christmas is a time of joy, peace, and giving. This Christmas, let’s do our best to be cheerful and loving to those around us. Merry Christmas to all my readers!