If you’re recovering from an abusive relationship, surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family really helps. You want people around you who will accept you, respect your boundaries, and validate your feelings. The abuser in your life really tore you down, causing low self-esteem, so you need people around who will build you up.

People to stay away from are people who insult you or criticize you, try to control you, or manipulate you with guilt or other tactics. These people are toxic, and possibly even abusive, and it is not healthy to have relationships with them.

Also, the people in your life should believe you about the abuse. You can’t trust those who think you are lying, exaggerating, or delusional. Anyone who takes the abuser’s side against you is an enemy and not to be trusted. Do not remain friends with his friends. They will give him information about you. You may even want to put some distance between your mutual friends. Avoiding his family is a smart move as well. Even if his family doesn’t think a lot of him, they will still side with him over you; trust me. Occasionally, you run across a few mature folks who say they don’t take sides. But most people do.

Keep your friends, the ones you had all along, the ones that always loved you and supported you. You may have lost contact with old friends during the relationship, but it’s never too late to rekindle old friendships. Give them a call or send them an email asking how they are doing. Most people will be glad to hear from you. A few might be hurt that you lost contact, but once you explain what happened, they should understand.

Family can be difficult. If your family believes and supports you, this can be a very strong support network for you. But if they don’t, it can be frustrating. Maybe your family does not believe in divorce and are pressuring you to return to your abuser. Or they may not believe that he is all that bad. If this is the case, you’ll want to put some distance between yourself and the family members that are causing you trouble. Cutting off contact completely is not always an option, but some people do it. If you have kids or depend on your family financially, you’ll probably have to continue contact. Instead, minimize contact and set boundaries. Let them know you are not comfortable with certain subjects and that you will not discuss these things. If your mother is giving you grief about your ex, hire a babysitter for your kids instead of having her watch them while you go to work. That way, you won’t have to talk to her every day.

Take an inventory of the people in your life and determine which ones to keep and which ones to ditch. This may sound harsh, but it’s very important right now to be careful about whom you talk to. You definitely need some supportive friends, even if it’s just a few. Isolation can cause you to become depressed and even return to the abuser. Having healthy friendships will help you to recover from the abuse and live a happy fulfilling life.

Some places to meet people are church, social groups, meetup.com, and online support groups such as The Healing Wounds Forum.