If you’ve left your abuser and you need help figuring out what to do next, first read my articles, Leaving Your Abuser Part I and II, where I already listed several things to do immediately upon leaving him. Note things like getting a temporary custody order, a restraining order, and hiring a lawyer are very important. Find a lawyer here or search your yellow pages. You may also qualify for legal aid, which may provide a lawyer to you for little or no cost.

Some other things I mentioned were finding a therapist and joining a support group:

Finding a therapist is a wonderful idea. A professional counselor can help you and your children cope with the transition of leaving their father and starting a new life. The first few months after leaving are pretty rocky, so you’ll need the extra support. Joining a support group can also help, but it’s not a substitute for therapy. When you visit a support group for the first time, pay attention to the leader(s) and the mood of the group. Is it an upbeat, positive group focused on the recovery of its members? Or is the atmosphere a depressing one where everyone whines about all the horrible things that happened to them? You would only want to attend a support group with the former attitude rather than the latter. A depressive atmosphere is only going to make you more depressed. To find a support group in your area, search online or call your local battered women’s shelter. They often offer support groups or can point you to other organizations that do. Here is a list of online support groups:

Healing Club
SAFE
Healing Wounds

You may find medication therapy to be beneficial in addition to talk therapy. For access to medication that will help you feel better, such as anti-depressants and tranquilizers, you’ll need to see a psychiatrist who can prescribe these medications. To find one near you, check your yellow pages or use this mental health services locator. Don’t be ashamed to take medication if you need it. Medication helps many people in this world live happy, functional lives.

You may have to enroll your children in a new school. Switching schools in the middle of the year can be very stressful for the children. Explain the situation to the school staff and ask the guidance counselor to see your children on a regular basis to help them adjust. The staff should be understanding and helpful. You may also choose to have your children see a psychologist as well. If your children seem to be having a difficult time adjusting, a psychologist or therapist would help. Watch for signs of depression, such as lethargy, crying, or threatening suicide.

If at all possible, end all contact with the abuser, his friends, and his family. Even if you had mutual friends, now is not the time to talk to them. They may unwittingly give him information about you that could cause him to find you. Change your cellphone number, email address, and don’t give anyone your new contact information unless you can absolutely trust them.

Find a job, if you don’t have one already. Don’t count on alimony and child support to get you by. It may take a while to receive financial support from him, if you receive it at all. Some men are very crafty at getting around their support payments, working under the table to avoid having their wages garnished. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to get it, if you’re entitled to it. To receive child support or alimony, talk to your lawyer or call the Division of Child Support Enforcement for your state. You should be able to find the number in the government listings section of the phone book.

Go ahead and look for a job while you’re waiting for your support. Your goal should be to get on your feet as quickly as possible, so that you will be self-sufficient and free of your abuser. Many women go back to their abusers because they believe they cannot make it on their own.

I will share more helpful resources to help you survive after you’ve left in a future article.