Codependency can be described as a pattern of behavior where one party in a relationship continuously gives too much. The codependent person usually exhibits the same behaviors in multiple relationships, and will typically seek out needy people to have relationships with.

Codependency is different from interdependency, where both parties in a relationship give and take. In a codependent relationship, one party is giving, while the other is taking. Interdependent relationships are healthy. Codependent relationships are not.

Codependents give almost compulsively, because it makes them feel useful and wanted. They look to others for approval. The way they earn approval from others is to give to them. When their partners approve of them, they feel good about themselves. They also have trouble accepting help and gifts from others. They believe that they do not deserve these things.

Codependent people suffer from a variety of emotional issues, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and guilt. They are more critical of themselves than they are of others. They have trouble dealing with anger. They often suppress their negative emotions and put on a happy face. They are so busy taking care of everyone else, that they neglect their own well-being. Therefore, they are often unaware of what is going on inside and how they feel.

People who are codependent are especially at risk for being in abusive relationships. They are afraid of being alone, so they would rather be in an unfulfilling relationship than no relationship at all. There are many reasons why people remain in abusive relationships, and I think this may be the main reason. It also explains why some people keep ending up with losers.

A codependent person will often seek out people who they feel sorry for - people with problems, issues, drug habits, alcoholism, criminal records, etc. Since a codependent needs to help others in order to feel good about herself, she will look for people who need help. Often, these people in need of help are manipulative, cunning, and abusive. They are used to “using” others to get what they want. You can see how codependents unwittingly set themselves up to be used and abused.

If you recognize these traits in yourself, take the codependency test to help determine whether you have this behavioral pattern. If you think that you do, your next step is to talk it over with a therapist or attend Codependents Anonymous meetings. Their website contains a database of meetings held across the U.S. There are also some good books about codependency, such as Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and Claiming Your Self Esteem: A Guide Out of Codependency, Addiction, and Other Useless Habits. Getting help for a codependency problem is essential for learning to live in happy, healthy relationships.