In 2002, my mother gave me a copy of Dr. James Dobson’s book Bringing Up Boys. At the time, I was not walking with the Lord and I ascribed to feminist views. Needless to say, I was quite offended at the views the Dr. Dobson shared in his book. I don’t think I even made it through the first chapter. I found it quite sexist and homophobic.

Now, as a Christian, I thought I should give the book a chance. I know that Dr. Dobson is a nationally renowned author and expert on relationships, and perhaps I can gain some insight on how to raise my son. Although I have made it further this time (I am now on the homosexuality chapter), I find myself disagreeing with much of what Dobson has to say.

Dobson believes very strongly in traditional gender roles. He thinks that the man should be the primary breadwinner, and that the woman should be at home playing the role of the homemaker. He claims that role reversal confuses boys.

God created Eve to be a “help-meet” for Adam. He knew Adam couldn’t do it alone, and needed a companion to help him through life. God didn’t specify how Eve was to help Adam, however. In the beginning, God did not assign gender roles. He just assigned a helper. Gender roles are something that we humans evolved into. I really think God has better things to do than concern himself with who is working outside the home and who is cooking and cleaning.

My husband and I do not ascribe to traditional gender roles. I am the primary breadwinner, while he handles much of cooking and childrearing. I am in charge of cleaning. We both work, so it is only fair that we split up the household duties. This works well for us. We also teach our boys to cook and clean, which Dobson would say should be done by the mother.

When my grandmother gave her sons chores to do around the house, her sexist, alcoholic husband put his foot down and said, “No, they will not do housework; that is woman’s work.” Therefore, my father never learned how to clean the house or pick up after himself and has always depended on my mother to take care of him. I can only imagine the pigsty my father lived in before he married my mother.

We don’t believe that our boys are too good to clean. Everyone should learn how to take care of oneself, regardless of gender. Cooking and cleaning is just a part of that. It‘s just as necessary as teaching personal grooming habits. Working outside the home is something every child should prepare for, whether male or female. When they grow up and get married, then they can choose their roles. A role reversal, or combination of roles is completely acceptable in today’s society. What’s important is that both spouses are comfortable in the roles they choose. In other words, as long as they are working together, and helping one another, as God intended, it doesn’t matter how they go about helping one another.

I will agree that in moving away from a traditional, patriarchal society has caused some social upheaval. But that always happens when a societal structure undergoes radical change. I believe this is a change for the better. Women need to be respected in our society. Partly, it is the lack of respect that men have for women that fuels domestic abuse.

I have many more issues with Dr. Dobson’s book, but I don’t want to take up too much blog space on this topic, when there are other, more pressing issues to write about. In order to say everything I have to say about this book, I would have to write about four more articles. I just don’t think it’s that important to devote that many words to. However, in a future article, I will discuss the problem with sexism in the Christian community, and how that contributes to domestic violence and abuse.