Using the telephone is a good choice, because you can explain as little or as much as you’d like. It’s much easier to end the conversation while on the phone than in person if you become uncomfortable.

As far as how much to say, this is really up to you. What is your goal? If you just want to end the relationship, and don’t really care about being heard, then don’t explain much. Just state that you want to end the relationship and maybe give one major reason why. If you’re not comfortable discussing why, you don’t have to. You can choose to do whatever you want to do, and you don’t have to have a reason.

However, most people want a reason and will demand one. You can choose whether or not to comply with his demands. If you don’t give him a reason, he will probably continue to harass you until you give him one. If you do, he probably will argue with you and try to convince you that your reason for breaking up is insufficient. Either way, there’s going to be some discomfort in your conversation with him.

There is no “right” thing to say when dumping someone. I‘m sure you‘ve heard these lines before: “It’s not you - it’s me,” “I need some space,” and “Let’s just be friends.” You can use phrases like these but he’ll know you’re full of crap. Again, think about your goal. If breaking up is all that matters to you, and you don’t care if he’s angry or not, say whatever you want. Remember that the shorter the conversation, the easier it is. Be clear, firm, and give no indication that doing this makes you feel sad or guilty.

If he begins verbally abusing you, hang up the phone and do not accept any more calls from him. Do not return his calls. Do not answer the door when he stops by. If you have to, get a trespassing order from your local police department. This is an order forbidding him to contact you at a specified address, like your house. There is usually jail time involved if he violates the order. If he threatens physical harm, obtain a restraining order, which forbids him from contacting you at all.

You may decide that you want to give him a fair explanation of why you’re breaking up with him. That is fine, but keep in mind in doing this you are giving him the opportunity to manipulate you into staying with him. If you really are serious about breaking up with him, think twice before you choose this method.

Future articles will include other mediums for breaking up, as well as things that make breaking up difficult and what to do after breaking up.