If you haven’t dated in a while, the first date can be daunting. Here are some tips to help you make it through:

Get in the Right Frame of Mind

Remember that you don’t need this guy. You’re doing fine on your own. You don’t need his approval. While it’s normal to want to make a good impression, don’t overdo it. Release attachment to the outcome. Be okay with the idea that it may not work out. He may not want to go out with you again for any reason, and you may not want a second date with him. That’s okay. Sometimes people don’t click.

Don’t Overdress

It’s probably a good idea to dress nice and wear makeup if this is what you like to do. Not all women wear makeup and that’s okay. It’s really a matter of personal preference. What you don’t want to do is spend three hours preparing yourself for the date. The more time you take to get ready, the more nervous you’ll be. Instead, treat it as you would any outing. You want to look presentable, but not like you’re going to the prom.

Your clothing should be fairly conservative. You don’t want him to think you’re easy because then he won’t respect you and he’ll just want to get in your pants. A good ensemble to wear on your first date is a pair of black dress pants, heels, and a nice blouse. Then you’ll look classy but not overdone. Avoid tight jeans, miniskirts, fishnet stockings, very low-cut blouses, and short shirts.

Stay Positive

Keep the conversation light and positive. Don’t go into detail about your problems. Now is not the time to complain about your ex-husband, complain about your job, or talk about sessions with your shrink. I do believe that at some point in the relationship, you should feel comfortable sharing these things with him. But the first date is too soon. He probably will prejudge you in a negative way before he gets a chance to really know you.

Do talk about your kids, if you have them. He should know up front if you have kids. This is not something to hide from him. Most men don’t have a problem with women who have kids nowadays. A few of them do. You want him to know right off the bat if you have kids, just in case it’s an issue.

Don’t Try Too Hard

If you try too hard to impress him, you’ll come off as needy and desperate. Either he won’t continue to date you, or he will, and he’ll use you and manipulate you. Don’t agree with everything he says just to get along. You may have been conditioned by your former abuser to do this. Now is the time to stop that habit. A woman with a mind of her own commands respect.

Watch Out For Red Flags

Review my series “Signs That You're Dating a Loser”, make your own list of red flags, and pay attention to his behavior during the date. Everyone is on his best behavior on the first date, so you may not get to see what he’s really like. Still, if you watch closely, you still may pick up on some things. Some things you might notice are:

- He’s rude to the waiter.
- He tells you what to do.
- He ribs you more than what you are comfortable with.
- He complains a lot.
- He keeps interrupting you.
- He brags incessantly.
- He makes you pay for the meal.
- He gets drunk.
- He talks about sex.

Don’t Automatically Book Another Date

Even if you are completely enamored by him, don’t agree to another date while you’re still on your first date. Act like you aren’t sure. Then say yes later when he calls you. You don’t want to appear too eager. This is also a good way to get out of a second date if you’re not interested. Besides, it’s a good idea to think things over before you agree to anything further.