Now that you know how to spot a loser, how do you know when you’ve found a winner? Here are some signs to look for when determining whether he is a keeper:

Financial Responsibility

This is one of the most important things to look for. He doesn’t have to be rich, but he should be able to support himself financially. By age 30, he should be secure in his career, live on his own, own a car, and pay his own bills. This includes child support to his ex-wife or girlfriend. By setting this standard, you’re not being a gold-digger; you’re protecting yourself from taking on additional debt.

Respect

He shows respect towards women. He doesn’t make derogatory comments about women, even jokingly. Most of all, he shows respect to YOU. He values your opinion, and builds you up instead of tearing you down like abusers do. He opens the car door for you. He pays for dinner. All these signs are signs of a gentleman who respects you.

Some feminists dislike the notion of chivalry because they think it implies that women are weaker and cannot do these things for themselves. What these women don’t understand is that men know we can do these things ourselves. They aren’t trying to treat us like we’re weak when they open doors for us or pay for our meals. They are trying to be nice. Why don’t we just let them be nice to us?

Good with Kids

A good man will show you that he’s good with kids. He likes kids, and it shows. He’s patient and fun, and kids like him too.

Does Nice Things for You

One way you’ll know you’ve found a winner is that he often does nice things for you. He buys you flowers, sends you cute cards, leaves little gifts on your doorstep, sends thoughtful text messages, etc. He cooks for you, he helps you clean your car or mow the grass, and brings in your mail when he walks in your door. When he does these things, he’s showing that he’s considerate and cares about you.

Is Easy to Talk To

Mr. Right will make you feel at ease. You will feel like you can talk to him about anything, and he won’t judge you or put you down. He won’t give you unsolicited advice, and he won’t try to control you. He will feel like a friend - the best friend you’ve ever had.

You Can Trust Him

You feel like you can trust him. He seems like a genuine, honest person. This is important. If you can’t trust your man, there’s really no point in being with him. You need to be able to trust him completely, knowing that he won’t hurt you or cheat on you. This may not happen immediately. After what you’ve been through, you may find it hard to trust again, and that’s normal. You shouldn’t completely trust someone right off the bat anyway - spend a few months getting to know him first.

It’s important to know that men often will do all the right things in the beginning of the relationship. Then, when they think they “have” you, they begin to show their true colors. They become controlling or abusive. They start to do many of the things mentioned in my “Loser” articles. If this happens, your boyfriend really isn’t a winner, he’s just faking it. Relationships take time. Give it at least six months to determine whether your boyfriend is a winner or a loser.