This is the final segment in the series.

You might be dating a loser if…

… he is married. I don’t care what he says; he has no intention of leaving his wife for you. 90% of the time, men choose to stay with their wives, regardless of what they say. Men who cheat are not looking to leave their wives and start a new relationship. They want to have their cake and eat it too - the wife at home taking care of the house and kids, and the exciting mistress on the side. Even if he does leave his wife to be with you, chances are he’ll cheat on you as well.

… he flirts with other women. He probably goes out with other women too, and you won’t be able to trust him to be faithful.

… he’s addicted to porn. Looking at it occasionally is one thing, but if he’s obsessed with it, that’s a little weird.

… he never has any money. You always have to pay for dates, and you even loan him money at times, which he never pays back. He’s always whining about how broke he is and how he can’t afford to pay for anything. This guy is a bum who is trying to take advantage of you. You can easily end up thousands of dollars in debt supporting a bum like this. Dump him, and let him be someone else’s problem. You don’t need him to be YOUR problem.

… he goes around bumming money from people and never pays them back. He may be a con artist, especially if he lies a lot too.

… he won’t pay child support to his ex. An upstanding man will take responsibility for his children, no matter how much he hates his ex wife.

… he has a criminal background. If he’s a convicted felon or a sex offender, definitely run. This is not a safe person for you or your kids to be around. Nowadays it’s fairly easy to run background checks on people. It’s not a bad idea to run a report for a new man you’re dating.

… he has a history of domestic abuse. Are there restraining orders or assault charges on him? Does his ex wife say that he was abusive? If he did it before, he’ll do it again, I guarantee it.

… he has no patience with kids. After everything your kids have been through, the last thing they need is more abuse. They need a stepdad who is kind and patient with them.

… he keeps standing you up. He’s always got some elaborate story about a crisis that kept him from meeting you. If it happens once, it may be legitimate and you can let it slide. Twice, and you should be annoyed at the inconvenience it caused you and let him know that. If it happens three times, stop seeing him. You don’t have time for his games.

When I look over the entire list, I think, wow, why would anyone want to be with a guy like this? But I realize that many of the behaviors and traits mentioned fit my ex-husband and some of my ex-boyfriends (except for the criminal part). I guess it doesn’t seem as bad when we are in the middle of it. Abusers are also very good at getting us to think that the problem lies in us. For years I questioned my sanity and I worked very hard at trying to get my ex’s approval. I was never good enough, in his eyes. I was fighting a losing battle.

Being in a relationship like this is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I wasted 10 years on abusers. Please, if you see any red flags, end the relationship immediately. You can’t afford to waste anymore time on losers.