On Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a personal choice. For me, the choice has to be to forgive because as a Christian, I am instructed to forgive.
This past year in therapy I forgave everyone I was angry with. There were a lot of people that had hurt me over the years and I was very bitter. The pain and anger greatly affected my life. I wrote letters of forgiveness to each person (but didn't send them). I wrote out what they did and then at the end I wrote, "but I forgive you". Sometimes the feeling of forgiveness didn't come right away when I wrote the letter. This was especially true for my ex.
Forgiveness takes time. It doesn't always happen overnight. But since I made a committment to forgive, and asked God for help, I eventually was able to.
The good thing about forgiveness is that the things that person said and did no longer affect you. You stop thinking about it. You stop plotting revenge. You stop hating. And it's a wonderful feeling.
Forgiveness is NOT saying what they did is okay. It's saying, "I'm going to stop being mad at you for what you did. And I'm going to stop letting what you did affect me." It's very freeing.
I rarely recall things my ex did nowadays. I'm really not angry with him anymore. I think about when Jesus was dying on the cross and said, "Forgive them father for they know not what they do." My ex really doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't understand the impact of his abusive actions. And since he is not a believer, he does not share my values. There are a lot of behaviors of his which he thinks is okay but I do not think is okay. I accept that he is the way he is, but I don't have to be a part of it.
Forgiveness is NOT allowing the person back into your life to hurt you all over again. It took me a while to get that. For a long time I held on to my anger, because I was afraid that if I forgave, I would allow abusive people back into my life and let them hurt me again. I learned that I could forgive and still have boundaries. And forgiveness does not equal trust. I have forgiven my ex, but I do not trust him. I'm not letting him back into my life because I know what I would be in for. And God doesn't expect me to.
If you feel called to forgive, call on your higher power for help. It can be very hard to do, especially when it concerns an abusive ex. But if it's what you are supposed to do, your higher power will give you the strength to do it.
This past year in therapy I forgave everyone I was angry with. There were a lot of people that had hurt me over the years and I was very bitter. The pain and anger greatly affected my life. I wrote letters of forgiveness to each person (but didn't send them). I wrote out what they did and then at the end I wrote, "but I forgive you". Sometimes the feeling of forgiveness didn't come right away when I wrote the letter. This was especially true for my ex.
Forgiveness takes time. It doesn't always happen overnight. But since I made a committment to forgive, and asked God for help, I eventually was able to.
The good thing about forgiveness is that the things that person said and did no longer affect you. You stop thinking about it. You stop plotting revenge. You stop hating. And it's a wonderful feeling.
Forgiveness is NOT saying what they did is okay. It's saying, "I'm going to stop being mad at you for what you did. And I'm going to stop letting what you did affect me." It's very freeing.
I rarely recall things my ex did nowadays. I'm really not angry with him anymore. I think about when Jesus was dying on the cross and said, "Forgive them father for they know not what they do." My ex really doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't understand the impact of his abusive actions. And since he is not a believer, he does not share my values. There are a lot of behaviors of his which he thinks is okay but I do not think is okay. I accept that he is the way he is, but I don't have to be a part of it.
Forgiveness is NOT allowing the person back into your life to hurt you all over again. It took me a while to get that. For a long time I held on to my anger, because I was afraid that if I forgave, I would allow abusive people back into my life and let them hurt me again. I learned that I could forgive and still have boundaries. And forgiveness does not equal trust. I have forgiven my ex, but I do not trust him. I'm not letting him back into my life because I know what I would be in for. And God doesn't expect me to.
If you feel called to forgive, call on your higher power for help. It can be very hard to do, especially when it concerns an abusive ex. But if it's what you are supposed to do, your higher power will give you the strength to do it.
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